linn
I ended my search about two years ago.
In life, a person can obtain, buy and earn many things. About anything really. The roadmap of our life has many of its important events marked with a big fat cross. Get a good education, graduate, find a job, buy a car, buy a house, earn a good pension ... Most of these events require effort and time, but little else. They are necessary but they are not the things that will make you a happy man. They're just needed to further improve one's happiness.
On that same roadmap is a parallel road. It is different, as there is only one big cross on it. You cannot buy yourself through this road, nor can you simply obtain or earn your goal. Effort is replaced by luck and timing becomes extremely crucial. Finding that one special person in your life is a lot harder than all other things combined. And there is no telling the best way to reach your destination.
Love at first sight
Not belonging to the social crowd and being a damn picky bastard are two things that don't help much when looking for that one special person. Being both at the same time helps even less. And yet, in some ways it can be useful too. It gives you a certain drive when you finally come across something you really want. A picky person does everything to get what he wants, because he knows his chances are sparse. For me, one glance at her picture was enough.
People often wonder if there is such a thing as love at first sight. I never really took the time trying to figure that one out. It's something that will only reveal itself when the question doesn't matter anymore, so thinking about it always seemed like a waste of precious time. Probably it depends on the kind of person you are, what standards you have. As for me, that one glance was all I needed to realize how I felt, and that feeling has not faded ever since.
When the bad becomes the good
And so I ended my search about two years ago. I was finishing up work with my former employer. Our little company had struggled for a while and had finally collapsed. I declined staying as a sole employee, which at that time meant the end of our company. A very tough decision to make. These should not have been happy times, and yet they were. Right at that time, I talked to Linn for the first time.
One month later, we were together. Since that time my life has become a lot busier, but at the same time a certain kind of nervousness subsided. My time, which had been so valuable to me before, was now spent with my sweetheart. And since that proved the best way to spend it, all the guilt about wasting my time had gone. I don't even care what we do together, as long as we do it together.
Peace of mind
Somehow, my life feels complete already. I know it's a strange thing to say at 26, but with what I have now, all things coming my way are just really neat bonuses. I don't need any other things, so I can just patiently wait for the good things to come along and pick them out when they pass by. I have one person to thank for that luxury.
This little piece is an ode to Linn, my dearest. Life has been a lot easier since I found you. From day one I've known for sure we'd last. And I'm sure you know it too. Our two year anniversary is coming up shortly, but that is just another nice formality. For law and church we might still be just another couple, to you I already promised my life. And that promise will always stand.
To my darling. Love you forever.