films seen
2
average score
1.00*
nationality
status
Alive and kicking
more info

Big nopes

Cold Mountain

2003 / 154m - USA
Adventure, Romance
1.0*/5.0*
Cold Mountain poster

I never quite knew what to expect from this film. Somehow I figured this was going to be a rather stylish arthouse-like drama, probably based on the poster plus Kidman's presence. Instead, I got a grossly overacted piece of kitsch and sentimentality, the epitome of bad Hollywood cinema.

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Inman and Ada are two young people madly in love with each other. When the American Civil War starts, Inman has to join the fight and the two are separated. After he gets wounded in battle he deserts and starts a perilous journey back home, meanwhile Ada tries to survive with Ruby, a hard worker looking for a roof over her head.

The performances and casting are absolutely terrible (the accents in particular). The drama is sentimental and drawn out, the cinematography is boring, and the runtime is excessive. This was kitsch of the worst kind, taking itself so serious that it's hard not to laugh at the stupidity of it all.

The English Patient

1996 / 162m - UK
Romance, War
1.0*/5.0*
The English Patient poster

Pure and unfiltered Oscar bait. If you ever had to teach a class about Hollywood schmaltz, The English Patient would no doubt be a perfect subject. It's sentimental to the bone, it feels manipulative and dishonest and it drags in the hope that a longer runtime means a bigger impact.

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The plot revolves around a soldier who crashes his plane and ends up in a hospital, unable to remember his identity. The nurse that takes care of him is interested in his case and slowly the patient starts to piece together the history that landed him in the hospital. It's a familiar setup and one that could offer the necessary intrigue, but director Minghella fails to deliver.

It's hard to pick the film's worst characteristic, but it's either the score or the performances. The music is hellish and utter kitsch, performances are wooden and clumsy. The cinematography isn't much to look at either and the romance is a dud. All of that makes that the sluggish pacing is the final nail in the coffin.