films seen
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The Jewel of the Nile

1985 / 106m - USA
Adventure, Romance
The Jewel of the Nile poster

Insane 80s cheese. A sequel to Romancing the Stone that understands the less serious it is, the better. The result is pretty baffling really, no doubt more than a little offensive to some, but at least there are a handful of memorable scenes that deserve a recommendation, a step above the original.

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There is a plot here, but trying to write it down just highlights how nonsensical it is. All you need to know is that Turner and Douglas are traveling through The Middle East and Northern Africa, trying to find and protect the "Jewel of the Nile", a holy man who can lead his people to peace and prosperity.

At its best, you're getting Douglas driving a fighter jet through a mockery of an Eastern European city and shooting everything to bits. At its worst, it's a pretty dull Indiana Jones knock-off with Danny DeVito in one of his worst roles to date. It's a big mess really, but when it gets crazy, there's at least some fun to be had.


1983 / 93m - USA
Horror, Thriller
Cujo poster


1980 / 91m - USA
Thriller, Horror
Alligator poster

Giant animal horror, with a tiny slice of kaiju fun. The first half of Alligator plays like a pretty basic but serious dangerous animal-on-the-loose horror film. But then director Teague seemed to realize that wasn't much fun, and he sends his film completely off the rails. The result is a little baffling, but not terrible.

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A tiny little alligator ends up in the New York sewer system. Without light and food, he is destined to die down there, but some cast away lab animals cause him to thrive and grow beyond his normal size. Twelve years later, he's ready to take on New York and have some good old human meat for lunch.

The first half is a little dim, but once the awkward animal hunter shows up and the beast breaks free from the sewers, all hell breaks loose. The second half is daft and completely nonsensical (gratuitous explosions included), but it's certainly a lot more fun than the more serious first half. It's a shame Teague didn't go rogue from the very start.

Cat's Eye

1985 / 94m - USA
Comedy, Horror
Cat's Eye poster