films seen
average score
Alive and kicking
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The Strangers: Prey at Night poster

Surprising sequel. The timing feels random and I still don't see why this film in particular, but Bertino and Roberts defy expectations and deliver a slick, somewhat disturbing and ultimately entertaining horror flick. Not a must unless you're a big horror fan, but still damn good filler.

47 Meters Down: Uncaged

2019 / 90m - UK
Thriller, Adventure
47 Meters Down: Uncaged poster

Solid shark fun. This is one of those films that demand you shut off your brain before you can properly enjoy the film. Start wondering about probability and you can tear the film to shreds faster than the sharks eat their prey. On the other hand, accept the nonsense and you'll find a pretty fun and tense film here.

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The setting's a little different, as we find ourselves in some underwater caves in Mexico. A couple of friends decide to go on a little adventure, what they don't know is that the caves are the inhabited by a family of blind sharks. With limited air, no sense of direction and big, man-eating sharks swimming around the caves it sure won't be easy to get out alive.

The sharks and caves have somewhat variable dimensions, characters only die at the whim of the writers and there's a succession of perils that merely seem to exist to drag out the runtime. But the performances are decent, the cinematography is nice and there are some pretty good scares. If you're looking for pure entertainment, this film has you covered.

47 Meters Down

2017 / 89m - UK
Horror, Thriller
47 Meters Down poster

Not so much a shark flick as it is a film about people stuck and working against the clock to save their lives. There's some mediocre drama and poor acting to wade through, luckily Roberts nails the thriller elements. Some pretty tense scenes and thrilling moments make this film worth a watch, but a masterpiece this is not.

The Other Side of the Door poster

Storage 24

2012 / 87m - UK
Storage 24 poster

Pretty simple genre work from Johannes Roberts. Of course, that's what he's known for, though his later films do seem to have a bit more quality to them. Storage 24 is really baseline, sticking to a couple of familiar clich├ęs and adding very little to them. If you're looking for some creature flick filler though, it's not the worst film out there.

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When a plane crashes down in central London, a mysterious cargo falls next to a Storage 24 facility. The facility goes into lockdown, trapping a handful of people inside. While tensions between the group are already quite high, things are about to get a lot worse when they find out what escaped from the plane.

Roberts does a fairly decent job building up the tension. The creature effects/design are pretty crummy though, which makes it difficult to really get into the film. Performances are basic, and the plot is really thin, but the film does have a handful of decent moments. Not great, but not entirely worthless either.

V/H/S/99 poster

A disappointment after '94. It all depends on the directors who are participating of course, but with names like Flying Lotus and Johannes Roberts attached, I expected more from this anthology. None of the five shorts made a real impact, and the VHS effects were a bit overdone for a "99" film.

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We get five short this time around. The first is about a punk band going to a burnt-down bar, the second is about sorority hazing, the third film shows a gameshow gone wrong, the fourth one follows some horny teenagers who are about to get the scare of their lives and the fifth one sees two bozos transported to hell.

What this film lacks are entries like Timo Tjahjanto's from '94, something that sticks once the credits start rolling. The horror effects are solid and graphic, but the premises are rather bland, there's no real build-up and the reveals are pretty basic too. It's still decent enough filler, but it's one of the weakest entries in the franchise so far.

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

2021 / 107m - Canada
Action, Horror
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City poster

One of Roberts' weaker efforts. It's not always easy working in an existing franchise, certainly not when rebooting one that had a pretty decent run a decade or two ago. This may be more fun for die-hard fans of the games, who could probably pick up on some extra references (I did notice some were there, I just couldn't place them as I've never played any of the games).

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During one fateful night in 1998, a deadly virus gets out of containment and infects the people of Raccoon City. They quickly turn into zombies and begin to terrorize the city. A group of survivors band together and try to find out where the virus came from, hoping they might find answers there on how to stop it.

The build-up is rather long-winded, and it's not that different from every other zombie flick out there. Once Roberts gets to the finale the tension ramps up, but the CG isn't all that great and some of the monster designs end up looking a little silly. Some decent scenes at the end, but the film takes way too long to get there.